I am unsure as to who she is. Right down to decorating where we now live. I realize, I do not know what my style is. Or rather, I am afraid to decorate.
I have big dreams. At one point, I was afraid to dream them, write them, breathe life into them. As life threw its shit at me, as I stood and faced staunchly the fuckery people call trials, as I listened to the whole "God gives the biggest struggles to his best soldiers" spiel, I learned.
What? That it won't get done if I don't do it. That if I waited for those I needed, on a lot of them I would still be waiting. That, if I put myself on the edge to rely on those who swear they will be there, I open up to a risk.
The risk of being disappointed.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
35
I love me. And though getting to where I need to be is taking sooooo long. I know that I love me.
And in loving me, hard truths had to be said out loud. Moments had to be taken. Acceptance has to be balanced.
I often forget who I am sans kids and boyfriend. I let myself get wholly distracted because to mourn the loss of time to do the things i truly love is overwhelming.
However, no matter what. Writing; the urge, the need, the expressing on paper; it never goes away. I don't view myself as a writer. That is my best friend's 'thing'. She schooled in it, entered competitions, seeks to make it her livelihood. Who the hell am I to attempt such?
Markera. That is who I am. And there is no longer this self convincing, this knee jerk comparing.
I will take the scattered moments and note them. And watch out. I swear like an old bard. That, I have also accepted about me. :)
And in loving me, hard truths had to be said out loud. Moments had to be taken. Acceptance has to be balanced.
I often forget who I am sans kids and boyfriend. I let myself get wholly distracted because to mourn the loss of time to do the things i truly love is overwhelming.
However, no matter what. Writing; the urge, the need, the expressing on paper; it never goes away. I don't view myself as a writer. That is my best friend's 'thing'. She schooled in it, entered competitions, seeks to make it her livelihood. Who the hell am I to attempt such?
Markera. That is who I am. And there is no longer this self convincing, this knee jerk comparing.
I will take the scattered moments and note them. And watch out. I swear like an old bard. That, I have also accepted about me. :)
Sunday, September 6, 2015
On My Way - December 2015
As I made my way trying products out and making drastic but needed dietary changes, here I stood in front of the mirror not quite sure who I was looking at. I felt stronger and like I was becoming a great example to my kids.
I began attending the weekly meetings and learned as much as I could. I went to the once a month training and was blown away by the sheer simplicity of what I had joined.
The conference I attended was what cinched everything for me. So many dots were connected from my mother having started the health journey.
End of December, hot mama!
I began attending the weekly meetings and learned as much as I could. I went to the once a month training and was blown away by the sheer simplicity of what I had joined.
The conference I attended was what cinched everything for me. So many dots were connected from my mother having started the health journey.
End of December, hot mama!
Making Progress - November 2014
So, I had met this lady in 2012, and brushed her off. I had been in another company, I didn't have the time or energy to be bothered with building a team and that sort of thing and dealing with unreliable people.
However, we became friends on facebook and her feeds looked a lot like my boyfriend's sister feed. This company was all up and down their page and the results and that sort of thing Iw ould read and scroll on.
Late one night, as the money had ran out, bills still sat unpaid, the mortgage was backed up, my stress level was up, the kids were feeling my mood, the man was miserable because his job hunt was dead ending constantly - I messaged the lady I met. We talked at length and I set up to meet her.
I don't know what led me to it. I don't know what made me step off the ledge. There was a surge in my stomach that was like, oh wow, you can slough this weight off, you can get off the pressure meds. I was pushed by something I couldn't describe. I met with her in my filthy pigsty of a house, and then agreed once again to come to her house for another meeting.
This was the result of that meeting at her home. I tried on a body magic reshaping garment and was in love instantly with the results. Could this be the turning point in my life?
My birthday was in another month and I was ready to make a serious weight deduction.
However, we became friends on facebook and her feeds looked a lot like my boyfriend's sister feed. This company was all up and down their page and the results and that sort of thing Iw ould read and scroll on.
Late one night, as the money had ran out, bills still sat unpaid, the mortgage was backed up, my stress level was up, the kids were feeling my mood, the man was miserable because his job hunt was dead ending constantly - I messaged the lady I met. We talked at length and I set up to meet her.
I don't know what led me to it. I don't know what made me step off the ledge. There was a surge in my stomach that was like, oh wow, you can slough this weight off, you can get off the pressure meds. I was pushed by something I couldn't describe. I met with her in my filthy pigsty of a house, and then agreed once again to come to her house for another meeting.
This was the result of that meeting at her home. I tried on a body magic reshaping garment and was in love instantly with the results. Could this be the turning point in my life?
My birthday was in another month and I was ready to make a serious weight deduction.
Post One
I opened this blog, and never posted. It is supposed to be the progression from overweight to all svelte and what not. However, I have been so busy that I haven't been able to work on it the way I want to.
But here we are. This is me. Last May. Thinking I was all cute and whatever. NOT! This candid shot ended up in the gift shop in the queue of pictures scrolling on the screen. I was not impressed. I laughed and smiled, but inside I was horrified. That 300lb person was unacceptable. I weighed 305 pregnant with my daughter in my ninth month - SEVEN YEARS AGO. What the hell was my excuse now? None.
The time came to take a handle on myself and check this mess. My daughter was expressing growing concern over my stomach's size and my son was embarrassed when his friends pointed out his fat mother.
But here we are. This is me. Last May. Thinking I was all cute and whatever. NOT! This candid shot ended up in the gift shop in the queue of pictures scrolling on the screen. I was not impressed. I laughed and smiled, but inside I was horrified. That 300lb person was unacceptable. I weighed 305 pregnant with my daughter in my ninth month - SEVEN YEARS AGO. What the hell was my excuse now? None.
The time came to take a handle on myself and check this mess. My daughter was expressing growing concern over my stomach's size and my son was embarrassed when his friends pointed out his fat mother.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Miss C's Skin
Lil mama breaks out again. This time so severe, step-daddy takes her to the clinic. They claim they cannot say yes it is or no it isn't scabies. They do no testing. I suspect it isn't.
They send a prescription for Petherin(scabies treatment), Advantan(eczema/itching), Claritin(allergies) and Bactroban(infection). I didn't use a dern one.
I mixed Multi Plus and Omega 369 to apply topically, and to her daily regimen of Multi Plus and Blue Levive, I added Le'vive Green (to do a gentle detox on her system), and CranAloe to filter her blood.
Top left pic shows the rash at its worst. The next few show the healing progression over four days.
My daughter has food allergies and I suspected that this was that. But, the talk of scabies made me want to be sure. She missed school for three days because the Dr didn't bother to test. And ordered me to stop using what I was using and get the meds prescribed. Thankfully, I didn't listen to them and she didn't have to miss her school's fun day that Friday.
They send a prescription for Petherin(scabies treatment), Advantan(eczema/itching), Claritin(allergies) and Bactroban(infection). I didn't use a dern one.
I mixed Multi Plus and Omega 369 to apply topically, and to her daily regimen of Multi Plus and Blue Levive, I added Le'vive Green (to do a gentle detox on her system), and CranAloe to filter her blood.
Top left pic shows the rash at its worst. The next few show the healing progression over four days.
My daughter has food allergies and I suspected that this was that. But, the talk of scabies made me want to be sure. She missed school for three days because the Dr didn't bother to test. And ordered me to stop using what I was using and get the meds prescribed. Thankfully, I didn't listen to them and she didn't have to miss her school's fun day that Friday.
